The day I lost myself

My interview started as a shambles...I arrived at Olga's studio and called her to check what number she was at! To my shock and horror her assistant was meant to have cancelled all interviews as Olga had to go to the airport! I had travelled all the way from Leeds to London for nothing? Not quite, luckily she re-arrived for me to come to her house in Hampstead (one of my favourite areas of London) and said she would buy me a new train ticket and drop me off at kings cross. The interview was relaxed, but I felt from her reaction to certain pieces and the lack of garments that I have to work a lot harder if I am going to succeed in this world! Anyway, she decided to take me on for July which is brilliant news!
WORK INTERNSHIP-SORTED!
I'm really excited and hoping I can improve in my pattern and making skills!
Oh the other hand, I feel that my work has got steadily worse since foundation...when I was putting my portfolio together last week I looked back to my very first project at Leeds and I loved it. It was exciting and there was passion there, but now I feel like everything I do is pretty rubbish. Something has died! My passion, my motivation, my determination. I want to want to do well and I want to be good, but I just don't think I can. Every time I think about it I feel close to tears.
I think fashion is such a hard subject to study because it is so difficult to be around such amazingly creative people all the time. All you end up doing is comparing yourself to others and thinking you're not good enough.
I can't seem to get back the feeling and excitement I had for fashion in foundation and I'm worried it will never come back.
I hate feeling this way about my degree and I know I have to carry on. I just feel that I haven't found what I'm good at yet. There are so many people on my course who are "naturally good at fashion" and you can see it in their work and in their grades, no matter what they always achieve high grades! And I'm pleased for them. I just wish I could find something I'm good at and will always be passionate about.
I'm hoping that I will find my passion again through my placement and through my work at Urban Outfitters. I'm hoping I will make many contacts and succeed in that way.

Oh I just don't know what to do anymore-I want it all to be over now
(although I'll probably regret this later)