The day I lost myself

My interview started as a shambles...I arrived at Olga's studio and called her to check what number she was at! To my shock and horror her assistant was meant to have cancelled all interviews as Olga had to go to the airport! I had travelled all the way from Leeds to London for nothing? Not quite, luckily she re-arrived for me to come to her house in Hampstead (one of my favourite areas of London) and said she would buy me a new train ticket and drop me off at kings cross. The interview was relaxed, but I felt from her reaction to certain pieces and the lack of garments that I have to work a lot harder if I am going to succeed in this world! Anyway, she decided to take me on for July which is brilliant news!
WORK INTERNSHIP-SORTED!
I'm really excited and hoping I can improve in my pattern and making skills!
Oh the other hand, I feel that my work has got steadily worse since foundation...when I was putting my portfolio together last week I looked back to my very first project at Leeds and I loved it. It was exciting and there was passion there, but now I feel like everything I do is pretty rubbish. Something has died! My passion, my motivation, my determination. I want to want to do well and I want to be good, but I just don't think I can. Every time I think about it I feel close to tears.
I think fashion is such a hard subject to study because it is so difficult to be around such amazingly creative people all the time. All you end up doing is comparing yourself to others and thinking you're not good enough.
I can't seem to get back the feeling and excitement I had for fashion in foundation and I'm worried it will never come back.
I hate feeling this way about my degree and I know I have to carry on. I just feel that I haven't found what I'm good at yet. There are so many people on my course who are "naturally good at fashion" and you can see it in their work and in their grades, no matter what they always achieve high grades! And I'm pleased for them. I just wish I could find something I'm good at and will always be passionate about.
I'm hoping that I will find my passion again through my placement and through my work at Urban Outfitters. I'm hoping I will make many contacts and succeed in that way.

Oh I just don't know what to do anymore-I want it all to be over now
(although I'll probably regret this later)

STRESS

THE END!













My portfolio is not ready and my interview is next week! I really need to get it sorted but I have loads more to edit and make up then I first thought!


OH DEAR

Hopefully next year I will have learnt from all these stupid mistakes.

SPRING!.....Cold!!!

Right, so other than writing in my blog I really haven't done much work. BUMMER! I'm meant to be on my placement today, but she didn't need me as she doesn't have much work for me to do, so I should be in tomorrow. It's a blessing in disguise because I feel so rotten today - I have a cold, which has sprung from no where! I'm drinking so much fluid, I might as well be on a drip!!
I have managed to do 2 crit tasks today though, and select a few exhibitions I want to see while I'm in London. I'm hoping they will help me with Research Practices (which I haven't started) I kind of know what I want to do though, its just getting the research together! Lots of videos and photoshoots would be ideal, but we will see if that ACTUALLY ever happens!
I'm hoping to try and do a couple more crit tasks today and maybe sort out enterprise a little bit, but I'll see how far I actually get.
Oh and on the work placement front I have decided what pieces I want to go in my portfolio for my next interview (on 28th) just need to edit them a little. I have also heard off Wonderland mag asking me when I'm available for their internship-so fingers-crossed. Haven't heard anything back yet though.
........
I'm off to get some fruit and some more water-I WILL GET OVER THIS COLD!

Reserach Practices

I'm thinking of linking my research practices with crit by looking into mythologies...I am then probably going to look into grimm tales/fairytales etc. I think this would have a lot of scope!

These images taken from trendland are amazing:
This image is photoshoot by Annie Leibovitz for Christian Lacroix



Above:Printemps window display in Paris I believe!

Oh and I also love the work from this illustrator....Coco....



Some exciting ideas for my project!

EASTER SUNDAY!

The Easter break has started and I have done no work! This is the usual Shindler cycle-can't get started, gets started enjoys it, worries that its not good enough, starts to hate it, gets mark and realises things arent that bad!
So I've decided to try an ignore myself...if that makes any sense. I know I will start eventually, I just need to really think about this project as its very much like fashion,art and culture which I enjoyed but got a rubbish mark for!
I also need to get on with crit portfolio and enterprise..I think I'm gonna try and do some of that to do as I'm not working at Urban what with it being closed for EASTER SUNDAY! No instead I'm in Leeds all alone-I'm gonna say its part of becoming an adult..but really I have no mates!!ha. Its fine though because I went home to see my family and friends last week and had to come back up North to work, so I'm not really a loser!
Lets just hope I managed to get something done today!

The moment of truth!

Today I got my mark for Fashion concepts and was happily surprised i got a 68, which I was very pleased with. I still feel like I'm always one step behind everyone else, maybe its because I feel like my passion for the course is dying and I'm getting a litle bored of uni. I can't wait to finish and get into the real world (I know I will probably take this all back once I'm working) but I wanna do soemthing new and exciting!
On a more positive front I have a work placement to do for a week over Easter with a company called "Fame will come later"-should be interesting.
I also have an interview for another placement on 27th April,which I'm really excited about its more studio based but graduates work looks amazing and really suits the pathway I'm doing!I just need to get my portfolio ready for that, so I'm confident with what I'm doing/saying!FINGERS-CROSSED!
Sometimes I wish I'd done the other pathway,its not that I think I would enjoy it more, I feel its more realistic to the "Fashion world" and they have learnt a lot more about the industry, making, trends, tailoring, shop reports etc...sometimes I just feel like I've missing out on important skills. I know I could take my own time to catch up on these, and I have done, but there isnt enough time to go over everything!
I'm hoping that where I have missed out on these skills I will learn them through work placements etc.
We got our new brief today aswell, which sounds a lot like Fashion, Art and Culture...I need to re-read it again to get it straight in my head. I don't really know how I feel about it yet.
Just when you think you have some time to chill-out you realise there is still enterprise, crit and a new project to do!
It just never stops....and when it does I don't know what to do With myself!
So I suppose I wouldn't want it any other way!

Ignoring something does NOT mean it will disappear!

This weekend has been a failure...I have done no work so far for fashion concepts. Yes I have been working at Urban, but really thats no excuse other people can manage to work and go to uni-and so should I. Its almost as though there is so much to do and its making me completely stand still! I have never really been one of those people that thinks they wont make the deadline-but this project is the first one that I've honestly felt it about! Yet still I have tme to do everything but my work. Its stupid,I need to get a move on!
I've written list after list and hardly completed anything....I don't think it helps that I changed my idea 3 times....right okay I'm gonna try and get on with some now...and stop avoiding it!
I've even done some crit and enterprise stuff instead....oh and no luck on the placement front....Oh god,Dawn get off and do something!!!